It’s harder than it looks.

I look normal to everyone: I don’t look sick (ever) and I function just fine in everyday situations.  But underneath something is constantly niggling me and I just have to push it aside to be normal, fun, and a reasonably chilled person to hang out with.  However, making this a reality is very hard work and although I am far from the person who wants to wallow in their own self-concern and misery, I do want to acknowledge to all those people like me that the energy required to act normal is significant.

I’ve been having fun, being sociable, and trying not to be weird (gluten and dairy free is weird enough), and I’ve been succeeding.  However, in my sociable efforts I’ve lapsed into the old me who’s pretending there’s nothing wrong and eating a bunch of things I ought not.  Also, my personality is such that if I am told I’m not allowed to eat something (even if I’m doing the telling) that I will rebel and want to eat it more, or I’ll embrace it but find all the possible unhealthy or less healthy versions of whatever it is to indulge in.  For example: I went gluten-free about a year ago and since then I’m sure I’ve tried every possible gluten-free dessert that exists: I guess if I’m generous, I could think of myself as a boundary pusher.  It’s the same with dairy-free: now that I know I can have 70%+ cacao chocolate, I’m indulging plenty and I’m even having dairy-free ice cream (very yummy) too.  I’m a liability and I know I am, but I think I also need to work this stuff out of my system and at least know that there are treats and things to enjoy as I continue down the Wahls Diet path.  The problem is that I don’t have a time limit, so I have to self impose one so that I stop pushing the boundaries and start trying to make these indulgences what they are: treats!

Anyway, that’s all a precursor to say that I’ve failed in an epic way over the past 3 days to be a good Wahls Diet follower.  I’ve enjoyed too much wine and chocolate (not to significant excess or anything, but to the point of feeling guilty) and I’ve also been more than happy to fast for almost a whole day to try to control the odd weight gain I’ve experienced following the first week of weight loss when on this diet.

Tonight, by the way, is no exception.  So, I’m 100% sure that I’m not yet fully bought in and that I need a bit more discipline in my approach (it’s really stinkin’ hard!).  Also, reading the book more, Terry Wahls notes that there will be times when you eat something you shouldn’t, but she goes on to say that this will happen and that you need to just forgive yourself and move on.  Another interesting thing is that it took Terry Wahls 11 years to get to the Wahls Paleo Plus diet, which is the most extreme version, and so she recommends easing in to the change to make it more likely to succeed.  I think this is a good idea because so far I’ve been dreadful at maintaining consistency.

In addition, and she doesn’t say this but I think it’s critical, you need to plan ahead.  I’m determined now to make a plan for the coming week so that I know what I’m eating in advance and I know it’ll be compliant with the plan.  It’s like taking the thinking out of every day and just eating something that’s pre-prepared.  I believe, for me, that this is the only possible way to make it work.  So, as of tomorrow, my plan will be developed and thereafter implemented to comply with the Wahls Diet.  I’m recommitted (and I expect I’ll say this frequently as I progress and fail on occasion).

My RP flare has died down now, so I’m less upset about that than I was.  So, there’s nothing in that regard that’s going to stop me focusing.  What will be a challenge in the coming week is my work schedule: I travel Tuesday through Thursday, so anticipate eating lots of raw veg and fruit that can be carried on a plane and not spoil.  It’ll be a challenge at my all-day meetings to get a decent lunch, but then I am also not unused to skipping lunch, so perhaps that’s the way forward for travel.  Anyway, I’ll factor this in to my plan for the week.

On another note, I’ve been researching the organic and grass-fed ranches in Alberta so that I can get local and high quality protein that doesn’t contain any crap.  I’m excited about this because there are a few from which to choose and I’m going to spend some time figuring this out tomorrow: I’m excited about my new meat source.  Also, a wonderful hunter friend has given me a bunch of delicious meat he had in his freezer, which includes Antelope.  He tells me that Antelope eat sage and that, as with asparagus, when you pee after eating it your pee smells of sage…. I look forward to that and I may or may not report it!  🙂

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